I realize this is a bit of a PR nightmare, but I thought it would be best if I addressed the circulating rumors myself.
This past weekend was much like any other, except my guardians were having a little get together with friends. Strangely, this event was not designed to celebrate the wonder of me. I may have been feeling a bit sorry for myself.
Well, actually, the truth is, I get a little tired of feeling so stifled by all my admirers. I feel almost like a kept man! So when I got a whiff of something delectable coming from down the street, I decided to go investigate while no one noticed.
Someone as smooth and suave as myself needs to have these stealth skills, you know? Like when a cute little Maltese pup gives me that look? I have to be able to dodge the pawparazzi and make our escape to ensure reputations are left intact. I am, after all, above all else, a gentledog.
Anyway, though the ladies still find me quite attractive, getting up in years has its downside. For instance, my hearing isn't what it used to be. So I while I was out wandering around, sniffing here and there, and leaving my calling cards for my fellow admirers to enjoy, I couldn't hear the calls of my bodyguards who were out looking for me.
I continued to stop and socialize with some of the neighborhood doggy damsels. There are just so many who love to tell me about the products and helpful staff they enjoy at BaxterBoo.com! Who am I, not to take time for these lovely fans?
But after a while, I realized it was becoming quite late. The trails I normally take were starting to look a bit spooky in the dark. And I suddenly realized that, in my haste, I must have left the house without my identification! Gasp!
Strangely enough, the folks who found me in my disoriented distress were inexplicably not my biggest fans! These dogs must have felt threatened by my apparent fame and fortune, because they were actually rude to me! Their human wanted to help, but without my ID, she wasn't sure who to call. The rude dogs' handler assured me they were like this with everyone, so I shouldn't take their behavior to heart. But due to their being intimidated by me, I was forced to take a trip to a holding facility for my protection, of course... not for any bad behavior!
(Pay no attention to that small indescretion in my cell)
I can barely talk about my cold, dark night, alone and away from my staff. So I'll just skip to the good part where the stars aligned perfectly for them to find me!
The next morning, my staff was searching frantically for me and putting up signs. They were pretty sure something terrible had happened to me due to the fact that I'm a black dog with a bit of hearing loss. They imagined me getting hit by a car or being eaten by a predator. (I later assured them I can take care of myself!)
They pressed on, hoping against hope that their beloved Baxter could still be found.
One of my staff members was walking one of my usual paths and called an auxiliary staff person to explain that I was missing. A gentleman was walking by and overheard this conversation. He just happened to be the spouse of the person who had taken me to the holding facility. He reported his story about a black dog that his wife had turned in.
The quick-thinking auxiliary staff person, Mary, I believe, is her name (she should get a promotion), immediately went to the Buddy Center's website for found animals and found my rather unflattering mug shot (as seen above.)
After forwarding my photo to my main staff person, the two of them quickly arrived to pick me up. Boy, was I ready to get out of there!
Unfortunately, the pawparazzi also got wind of my supposed "night of debauchery" and came and snapped these other unflattering photos.
As one who learns from his mistakes, I shall humble myself and share what I learned from my night behind bars:
I hope this clears up any misunderstandings about my weekend activities you may have heard about. Rest assured, dear friends and fans, that I conducted myself with the integrity that you've come to expect from me. I pray this won't dissuade your confidence in me as the leader of this fine company.
P.S. I would like to thank the kind folks at the Buddy Center for taking care of me and for kindly posting my estimated age to be 9!
P.P.S. Ms. Boo would also like to give a shout out to the Buddy Center, because that's where she was adopted from!
P.P.P.S. Click here if you want to visit my profile on Baxter's Buddies! Thanks for your support! (I could really use some treats.)
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