This has to be the weirdest holiday ever... but it's absolutely real! March 3rd is "If Pets Had Thumbs Day." But we'll try to have an open mind.
Opposable thumbs supposedly set us apart from most animals, but many of our pets manage to get into all kinds of trouble without them. Imagine what your pet could do with THUMBS! Pets already rule the Internet. With thumbs... the world!
Basically, this is a holiday to thank God your pets don't have thumbs. We think pets would completely take advantage of the situation, and here are just a few of the reasons why! Feel free to add your own imaginative ideas for what your pet would do with thumbs in the comments section below.
Tired of waiting for your master to get home to go to the dog park? Is there a sale down at the fish market and you just can't wait? Use that magical paw with a thumb, use your puppy dog eyes, and just see how long it takes someone to pull over to give you a lift!
Actually, forget hitchhiking. With thumbs, your pet can go anywhere they like by driving all kinds of motorized vehicles!
Pets can chew through those flimsy packages of dry food, but the good wet stuff? Sigh... out of reach! Even the pop-top cans are tricky, let alone the kinds you use with a can opener! Pets would no longer wait for us adoringly when we get home in hopes to be fed. They will have handled it themselves.
Speaking of food, why limit the choices to canned goods only? Our pets would be using their thumbs to be opening the refrigerator! Kitties would be screwing off the lid to the milk jug. No longer would Fido have to feast through the packaging and get unwanted fiber in his diet! Let them eat STEAK!
(As long as it's not a sarcastic thumbs up.)
Though it's easy to see how pets could help themselves to more stuff without us, but it would also be nice if they could give a little back. How great would it be if they could give us positive affirmations? Sure, a wagging tail is nice. A rub up against the leg is sweet. Somehow, a "thumbs up" would be especially awesome.
Your cat or dog is pretty attractive already, but imagine if they could take care of their own personal hygiene. You could send them to the bathroom to brush their teeth. Is your pet shedding too much? Hand them a brush!
Once they look super fancy, they'll be wanting to go out! And no worries, they'll be able to drive themselves (see #2).
For young pups, sucking a thumb would be much more satisfying and self soothing than anything they have been able to use to this point.
Sure, there are plenty of dogs who've devised fetching games so they don't have to wait for a human to throw the ball. Imagine if they could throw balls to each other? They could swing a bat. Heck, they could play golf.
Thanks to dogs' natural athleticism, they would probably make human sports obsolete.
Although having thumbs would be cool for pets to pick up a pen to write, modern dogs and cats would want to pick up the phone and text. Do you think your pet would text you all the time?
Of course, there's a good chance the thumbed dogs and cats will be texting each other for playdates as well. And since they can drive, they'll head to the park without you.
You will never get to watch anything else other than Animal Planet if your pet had thumbs. If you're lucky, they might flip over to the Food Network.
Your favorite shows? Forget it. Though with them watching TV all day, you might not be bombarded with quite as many pet texts while you're at work and the grocery store.
Actually, our pets manage to do this even without thumbs. Go figure.
The prize for winning a thumb war would mostly likely be a treat. Oh wait... they can get their own treats now. Nevermind.
Now here's something that could be helpful - especially if your pet sheds a lot. There are a few weirdos that already knit stuff out of their pet's fur. Okay, maybe "weirdo" is a bit harsh. If your pet was resourceful enough to make yarn out of their own fur, more power to them!
Kittens no longer have to cry over lost mittens because, with thumbs, they could actually keep them on!
The best bonus to having thumbs is that your pet could shop at their favorite online pet product supply retailer! (That would be us, silly!) Now that they can use a computer and a mouse, their online shopping dreams can come true!
At BaxterBoo.com, they can get dog treats, cat treats, dog clothes, fashionable dog leashes and collars, a new dog bed or cat bed, cat toys, dog toys, dog sunglasses, and anything else their little hearts desire!
Don't worry - your pet knows how to save you dough by shopping our daily sales and to get free shipping on orders over $49!
Yes, many pets already have a vast social network, but here's a secret - their humans do it for them! If your pet could actually choose their own social network, they'd be part of Baxter's Buddies! What better place to post pet photos and meet other dogs, cats and other critters. Not a member? Join Baxter's Buddies here!
This awesome black cat is super lucky because he really has thumbs! You'll enjoy watching his amazing skill as he gives us a "thumbs up!"
What do you think your pet would do if he or she had thumbs?
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